When you’re in the thick of a first date, judgement may not be on your side. Often you’ll find yourself asking or agreeing to see her again, then waking up the next morning to a clear-as-day realisation that you don’t want a second date at all.
Rather than try to squeeze out of it once it’s too late, you should sharpen those powers of first-date perception. Here are 12 signs that a second date may be a date too far.
1. She criticises you
So you give her a mix CD as a “hello” pressie, and she responds by saying “you’ve got really weird taste.” Or you take her to your favorite restaurant, and she comments that the food is “not what you’d expect for the price.” Or you turn up four minutes late and she asks if you got lost on the way. Nice girl, eh?
If she’s like this on your first date, just imagine how much hard work your relationship will be a couple of months down the line. Get out while the going is relatively friendly.
2. She mentions other men she finds attractive
Ananlyse this in whichever way you like (you’ve gone straight to the friend zone; she thinks you’re gay; she’s trying to let you down semi-gently because “gently” didn’t work; etc). Whatever. All you need to know is that if she were stranded on a desert island with you and your great-auntie Mabel, she’d probably rather sleep with your great-auntie Mabel.
3. She sulks when you mention a female friend
There are many men who love seeing girls get jealous about their platonic female friends (or ex girlfriends, or even sisters), because it bolsters their fragile egos. Don’t be one of those men. If she is insecure enough in your company to be jealous of your female friends, and you’re insecure enough to enjoy her jealousy, there’s nothing but pain ahead for you two as a couple.
4. You made all the running to get this date
Girls like to be chased, you say? Up to a point. But if you really had to persuade her to come out with you, chances are you simply wore her down and she thought that going on a date would be the best way to shut you up.
If she didn’t return your call or say “yes” the first time you asked her out, she may be trying not to seem too keen (the dating books told her that it would put you off). However if she didn’t return your call until your 12th attempt, please stop trying. You’re not being keen, you’re being creepy.
5. She avoids contact – including with her eyes
If a girl finds you attractive, she’ll show it by holding your gaze when you talk, and by responding positively to physical contact, such as when your elbows touch in the cinema. If she doesn’t meet your eye, and she pulls away whenever you make contact, she may be trying to tell you that she’s not interested.
Don’t over-react to this one, though. A lot of people are very guarded about their personal space, so this isn’t necessarily a bad sign unless it coincides with one of the other red flags on our list.
6. She doesn’t laugh at your jokes
Maybe she has no sense of humour. Maybe she doesn’t share your sense of humour. Maybe your jokes are rubbish, and she doesn’t like you enough to pretend otherwise. Any of which are fancy ways of saying “this should be your first and last date with this woman.”
7. She’s full of online dating anecdotes
It’s not only women who should watch out for serial online dating addicts. Men can fall prey to these creatures of habit as well, and if you fall for one you could get badly hurt. If after a beer or four she’s sharing her hilarious stories of a different online date each week, a lightbulb should be going off in your head, somewhere near a brain-billboard that says “you’re her 12th date in a week.”
8. You are nothing like the “perfect match” description on her profile
Chances of you being so special that she broke all her “perfect match” rules to go out with you: 1.5%. Chances of you being the one guy who happened to be available tonight: 98.5%.
9. She’s shocked when you ask her to go halves on the bill
She didn’t want a date, she wanted a free dinner.
10. She badmouths her friends, family – or exes
This is the first time she’s met you, and yet she claims the right to bitch about her supposed nearest and dearest when they’re not there to defend themselves. Be afraid.
11. She dithers when you mention meeting up again
Could it be that she’s busy next week? Nah, it means she doesn’t fancy you.
12. She says she’s not ready for a relationship
Which means: “I’m not ready for a relationship with you,” which means: “I don’t want a relationship with you, because I don’t like you enough.” Yes, life would be simpler if she just came out and said it. But she’s trying to be tactful. Don’t kid yourself that she wants you to wait for her to be ready. Take the hint and move on. When she finds the right guy, she’ll get into a relationship with him, no matter how good or bad the timing may be.
